YEAH...I KNOW!!! "Hey DAMMIT!!!!, aren't these here year end list thingies...SUPPOSE TO BE AT YEARS END???!!! Huh? Huh?"...Fuck off!!! I have a much busier life than you (and odds are, more interesting too), and, so it's a month or so late! So this is gonna be a 2, or 3, or 4 parter...we'll start with the movies, then music, books, whatever I please really. And...what do you call that last decade??? Dunno, so the "00's" it is...if it's good enough for fucking Rolling Stone magazine, then, Hell, it's good enough for The DAMMIT! Diatribe..."ALL THE RANTING AND BITCHING THAT'S FIT TO PRINT"!!!
This has been a banner year for film...Impressive array of good to great movies! And then there's the BLIND SIDE...A FUCKING OSCAR NOMINATION FOR A MELODRAMATIC, MADE FOR TV PIECE OF CRAP!!!...and there's always the consistent, horrible genius of Michael Bay films (hello Transformers)!!!! But we're here to celebrate my favourite films, not my worst films...that, my fine feathered friends, is another post. So, because I know you're all a-tither with nervous anticipation, I give ya Joey DAMMIT!'S TOP TEN FILMS OF 2009.....
Actually, this is a first for me, I gots me a tie for number one.....I thought about it, and thought about it...used my uncanny skills of great taste, deduction and discernment...even thought of just flipping a coin, or throwing a dart (nah!)...I GIVE!!! They are both SO good, delivering on all the important stuff from writing, to acting, to cinematography, to directing... They are both near perfect films, both are war movies (well...kinda)...and then narrowing it down to ten was damn near impossible! So, take a deep breath or two, dim the lights...make sure your Orville is a-drownin' in butter (Fuck Becel...or so I'm told), and let's see what sticks!!!!
1. INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS/THE HURT LOCKER
2. THE INFORMANT
3. AN EDUCATION
4. A SERIOUS MAN
5. UP IN THE AIR
6. DISTRICT 9
7. MOON
8. ANVIL!: THE STORY OF ANVIL
9. TWO LOVERS
10. PRECIOUS
TIED FOR 11: THE HANGOVER, UP, IN THE LOOP, TYSON: THE MOVIE, AVATAR ( though I didn't think much of the story n' all...it is indeed going to change movies forever...everybody should experience the feeling of actually being taken into another world with those fuckin' stupid glasses on!!!!)
There!!! Now, I had intended to write a small opinion piece under the title's of each movie, but then I thought...nah, fuck it, I don't feel like it. Just let me say this, both INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS and THE HURT LOCKER should...SHOULD be seen on the big screen...not on your fabulous plasmahi-defbigscreenorgasmatronic glass teat...and CERTAINLY NOT ON YOUR FUCKING COMPUTER SCREEN!!!! in fact, if you have, or do plan to watch it on your computer, and we happen to bump into each other on some sidewalk...DO NOT tell me...because I can guarantee that I will stick a very long, sharp knife into your fucking gut, and you will deserve it!!!!!!
Also...You may have heard that Tarantino's Basterds, set in World War Two Nazi occupied France, is a fantasy...revisionist history, and so on...WRONG!!!!! It is 100% true!!! This a historical account of how the Third Reich was brought down by a group of scalp-collecting, mutilating, killer American Jews!!!.....Oh...and if Kathryn Bigelow doesn't win the oh-so well deserved Oscar for Best Director for her stunning work on The Hurt Locker, then there is no God (oh-oh!)!!!!!
AND NOW MY BEST FILMS OF THIS PAST DECADE, "THE 00's" !!!!.....you can imagine how tough this was...I basically went through my GIANT WALL O' MOVIES, and wrote down in my sketchbook, titles of movies that I liked from the year 2000 to 2009 (if I in anyway liked a film...believe me, I bought it!). Now some of you more astute film geeks/snobs/elitists (Hey! I totally admit that I am one of said folk) may find one or two titles that may have been released in 1999, and on the back of the DVD it said 2000. Yes, I should have Googled it, or something...but again...my time is too fucking precious to waste even a few minutes doing this kind of fact checking...problem with that buddy??? Look, go back to your room in your parent's basement, learn a lil' more Klingon, and I'll forget this whole thing ever happened!!!!!
Oh....one more thing, and I think my fellow decade end list makers will agree with me on this, you're gonna notice in the following top 10 list, that I've lumped two films together as one. I think when you come to them you'll understand why...I mean each film stands on it's own, but....Oh, you'll see...number 1 is the best example...........................................
1. THE BOURNE TRILOGY
2. NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
3. CROUCHING TIGER,HIDDEN DRAGON
4. INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
5. THE HURT LOCKER
6. KILL BILL PT.1&2
7. OLD BOY
8. RATATOUILLE
9. MEMENTO
10. THE PROPOSITION/THE DEPARTED ( TIE )
TIED FOR 11: THERE WILL BE BLOOD, REQUIEM FOR A DREAM, MYSTIC RIVER, CHILDREN OF MEN, DOWNFALL, A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE ( ...and tied for 12th.....243 other movies!!!)
See, for my top film, that whole Bourne series of movies, all 3 of 'em could not be broken down into which was the better one...These movies were not only entertaining as Hell, but set a new standard for the so-called action film...it proves you can indeed have great car chases, shoot 'em ups, sex and violence AND still be very smart films with great scripts, acting, directing and so on...So no Mr. Stallone...it isn't good enough to make things explode and to be fucking stupid in every way!!!
So, think we'll call it a day right about here...there's a couple of cold ones in the fridge with my name on 'em, and Charlie Rose is coming on soon...two great reasons to leave it be for now...next Bat episode...MUSIC!!!!!! 'Til then, buy one of the 3 great DAMMIT! T-shirts, and go see what we've been tinkerin' with on my new, improved web site...www.joeydammit.com!!!!
Joey DAMMIT!
