Tuesday, January 19, 2010


WHAT???? C'mon you could not take your fucking eyes off it...and you know it!!!! Especially when it was first announced (TMZ broke it first), that afternoon...Michael "I named myself The King Of Pop...and then everyone just started calling me that...cool" Jackson, was in a rumoured comatose state, in an ambulance speeding to the hospital! Then, (again TMZ reports it first...notice that they always get that all-important initial scoop first?...way before the CNN's and BBC's of the world)...could it really be true???? Michael Jackson...DEAD???!!! That's when it got real good...and again, admit it, just like me, first thing you thought of was...DRUGS!!!! JESUS...first the news of Farrah's death...sooooo sad (and it was), so painfu....HOLY SHIT ....He's much bigger than that Charlie's Angel's chick!!!! Both??!!! ON THE SAME DAY??!!! Gotta fuckin' tune in to Larry King tonight fo' sure!!!!! That was Real Reality TV...and why did you keep watching it?...because it was great ENTERTAINMENT!!!!! Sorry, not gonna apologize, not gonna suddenly become politically fucking correct to appease the fans and the overly sensitive...and when we knew it WAS indeed drugs, perhaps even... MURDER!!!!....c'mon COOL DEATH or what???!!!

Let me start by saying that this was gonna be a (fairly...well...) straight forward review or rant of a new book by one of Toronto's finest young writers Lorette C. Luzajic. The book, titled, "GOODBYE, BILLIE JEAN: THE MEANING OF MICHAEL JACKSON", was just released, and I gots ta admit...very cool cover artwork by noted local pop artist, Iaian Greenson (thus my competition, thus an enemy of mine!). Now...let me lay my proverbial sticky fingered cards right down on the table... I know said writer, in fact we've been friends for years ...and that's all ya need ta know you snoopy little fucks!!!

Lorette writes regularly about all sorts of interesting people (yes, she's interviewed me in the past), pop culture, madness and death (and ya wonder why I love her?), so the topic was certainly up her alley. She sent me a copy of GOODBYE, BILLIE JEAN via e-mail...a fucking stunning 316 page trade paperback!!! One...I'm old school, I read real books, you know...love feeling the paper touching my finger tips...YES!!!...I live for fucking paper cuts....and OK, because it's Lorette, I would have still read it, but not as it's 4 in the morning and I'm going through a major, MAJOR bout of insomnia!!!! So..I scrolled and scrolled and scrolled, reading for close to 90 minutes......

This anthology, curated by the lovely and talented Ms. Luzajic, includes not only her own musings, but a lineup that includes Tibetan monk Jamyang Khedrup; Pulitzer-prize winning New York Times writer Chris Hedges; Toronto’s celebrity drag queen, Donnarama (who I noticed crowned Lorette with the following, Brilliant title,"Courtney Love Meets Margret Atwood"...THAT'S LORETTE EXACTLY!!!...PERFECT!!!), hilarious celeb-skewer Rohin Guha; Harvard Divinity School and queer black activist Reverend Irene Monroe; creative think tank Pat Kane (who also incidentally, opened for Madonna with his band back in the ‘80s); famous poet John B. Lee, award-winning journalist, author and personal friend of Michael Jackson, Jonathan Margolis; Jungian analyst Coline Covington; Russell Bowers, host of Daybreak Alberta, CBC’s most popular breakfast radio; Congo and Rwanda journalist Georgianne Nienaber; Iranian writer Javhad Rahbar; and many, many more...including the electric poetic waxings of my buddy, Toronto arteest, and poet Ralph "Rottweiler" Martin...Gad-Zooooks...colour me impressed!!! I think that instead of only one writer, or a ton of local half-ass writers oozing their love for Mikey....what makes it so interesting, even if you're not a Jackson fan, is the variety of voices and styles.

Now you're thinking...so Joey isn't exactly a big fan of Jacko, is he??? Truth be told, love the guy' s genius (and holy shit...he certainly was that), hate what he became! I think he was a a total freak (which by the way, I adore freaks, being one myself), and, like Marilyn, and James Dean before him, death was the best PR/marketing move he could have made to save a very dead, pathetic career (unfortunately, he apparently did not leave anything close to a beautiful corpse behind according to the autopsy reports)...and don't even try to argue with me on how his career was NOT dead, and how the new tour would put him on top again...'cus that is just SO MUCH BULLSHIT, and deep down inside, you know it!!!!

Three things stand out about Michael that will always endear the beautiful freak to me......

1) BEAT IT, from the THRILLER album, is still one of my favourite songs of all time, featuring the best guitar solo of all time, performed by Eddie Van Halen (or the great Steve Stevens, Billy Idol's guitarist, depending who you ask).

2) The night he unveiled the "MOONfuckingWalk" for the first time, on national television...Live at the Apollo, or some dumb music award show. MY JAW DROPPED...I mean...I kidya not...how on earth??? That, my friends was pure, PURE GENIUS and SHOWMANSHIP of Biblical proportions!!! Gonna put an excerpt from the book in here, a poem of all things, because it beautifully defines that moment to me, and because Ralph is a good friend of mine...and it's my fucking blog...and I will continue to do as I please...PROBLEM WITH THAT BUCKY???!!!

When Jackson Danced by Ralph Martin

When he danced …
... there was no beginning,
and, he danced until the end
Step slide, slide step, step slide step …
The entertainer strode,
He leapt and he flowed, his joy in every jerking
Jump, step slide, step slide, step jump …
Till he’d land and he’d bow, then he’d tip, and he’d bend
With the music inside him, he
Stepped slide, slide step, step slide splits …
Then up again with arms like wings, his soul in flight and
His body in tune
The fedora flew
and the gloves and the shoes …
When he danced …
... the children danced too.

3) And this... is most important of all...Michael's theme song from the movie "BEN", was the song I danced my first slow dance ever to. It was in grade 5, and I was dancing with Brenda Cross, my first true mad, love/crush!!! I still, once every few years still go through my old class pictures, just to look at her one more time...betcha she turned into a Grace Kelly look-a-like......coincidentally, another celebrity that died tragically before her time, but left behind a damn fine beautiful corpse.

To read a ton of Lorette's work, run, don't walk, to www.thegirlcanwrite.com...and she certainly can!!! And, because she can...she has put up a truly fascinating/strange/and sometimes down right fucked Blog about all things Jacko.......www.michaeljacksontattoos.wordpress.com ...

So...what have we learned today class???...That Lorette is a rising talent that you should keep yo' eyes and ears on....that Michael Jackson was one fucking extremely talented genius.....that he was also a side show oddity on the grandest scale....and for God's sake...if you are gonna die, or off yourself...eat well, drink lotsa water, and work out very, very hard first!!! Class dismissed!!!!!