THE GREAT MOVIE HEIST '09 (Part 2)

So...where were we??? Oh yes...we had gone through the movie listings, pocket sized notebook in hand, trying to find a theatre that is showing 3 or 4 films that are on my "To See" list...Bingo! Oh good it's a Cineplex-Odeon...the big honcho...Nice!!! Just a 15 minute walk away from Casa DAMMIT! too...vunderful!!! Hmmmmmmm....they're playing 4 films from my list..next, and this is where you have to do some calculating and some guess work...so yes being a genius/criminal mastermind comes in handy. If movie A starts at this time...I have 10 minutes before movie B starts! Now, and pay close attention kiddies...you have to keep in mind that if the listing says ....say 1pm...the movie itself probably won't start until 20 minutes or so later, depending on such time wasters as commercials of cute polar bears drinking Coca-Cola, and don't forget ALL those Coming Soons that WILL give away the whole plot....so that has to be factored into the blue print!This part can take awhile to figure out, sometimes rather frustrating...I mean, hey... 4 full movies...have patience and keep your eye always on the prize ...which is???? That's right...good for you... watching a wad of films, while at the same time fucking these giant Money Machines, a.k.a., "THE MAN", for charging so much for a movie, and even more for the bare necessities like popcorn and pop!!!!

OK...so this heist went down in January of this year...almost a year ago...so, like I said, lots of Oscar quality movies were playing all at once. The movies I pick for this particular special day of cinema thievery are, in order of viewing; Slumdog Millionaire, Milk, Doubt, and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I leave my apartment with my ever present portfolio, which contains, among other things, my sketch book (which I never leave home without, plus I'm planning on keeping a journal of this day), a book (to read just in case you have to sit in an empty theatre with half an hour or so to kill before the next film starts...I mean, really...you CAN NOT read those stupid free movie magazines they have waiting for ya there...it actually hurts and bruises the fucking brain...YES! THAT DUMB!!!), snacks like almonds, M&Ms, a sandwich, couple o' cans of Diet Pepsi, bottle of water, etc. This way, you don't give "THEM" the satisfaction of charging you 45 bux for confectioneries.

Ok...were at the box office, look up at the board and have a curious look on your mug...act like, "Oh my, what time does my movie start?"...very good, nice piece of acting there Brando... Step #1: Buy ticket for the first movie on your list, like I said, for me it happened to be Slumdog Millionaire...smile at the ticket taker, and memorize what he/she looks like, this is very important 'cus they can become a big problem 4 or 5 hours later. Next, a very, very important step #2; This is when you pull out your pocket sized note book, and as you slowly, casually, inconspicuously make your way to the men's/ladies room at the other end of the corridor, you are scanning and writing down the number of the cinema that your movie's are playing. Remember, you know what time your movie's start, but up 'til now, you didn't know the exact location of said crime scene. Ahhhh...very nice Milk is in cinema 4, nicely positioned directly across from Slumdog...very good...very good.

Step 3; Nonchalantly, walk into the assigned cinema. I sit down, middle row, aisle seat, get comfortable, take out snacks and beverage and the lights grow dim...and enjoy the magic that is the art of film! Shit...set your cell phone on vibrate Joey!!!...credits...hmmmmm.... very good movie...but Oscar????....don't think so (DOH!!!)...3:18pm...end credits still running...I casually walk across the hall, no more than 15 steps...I tell myself my new mantra, "be cool...be Barack"...and a minute later I'm in cinema 4, in my seat. Wait, gotta go to the can! That's okay...the first commercial just started...in fact...ahhhh...what the hell, it's the movies...go ahead buy yourself a popcorn and pop (see, it's happening)...be cool...pay what seems like your life savings, feel guilty about all that butter, but hey...the ticket taker (which you should never take your eyes off) doesn't even look in your direction...back in my comfy seat in time to still watch 2 more coming soons...(Oh boy a movie about college kids who have lotsa sex, party a lot, and throw up on their date!!!...NOT!)...now, watch Milk!

6:00pm on the dot, just as I had calculated...very nice m'man...now it's time to push your luck, make it a little more exciting...you only live once...Doubt doesn't start for another 40 minutes, let's head to the V.I.P. lounge and have a beer..."be cool... be Barack"...check out the ticket taker. YES!!! A new ticket taker is on duty! Looking very confident (this is very important...body language will always give ya away), I saunter into the V.I.P. lounge and order a beer...HOW MUCH???!!!...for a bottle of fucking BEER???!!!...fine, fine...this is a vacation of sorts. Oh, what the hell (huh?), have a second one, still time to kill...Hey...it's a heist...you gotta spend some to make some! Down that baby...man...Sean Penn was brilliant, as usual, in Milk...bet he takes the golden statue home this year! Get up, don't even put on your coat, you're living dangerously man...it's like having sex some place that there's a chance of getting caught...makes it that much more exciting (what?..of course...why, you haven't???)!!! Then thank the nice man behind the bar/counter, and I make my way to watch Doubt which should be starting in less than 5 minutes.

Ahhhhhh...our third movie of the day...feelin' a little tired, kinda burned out...must be the beer making me feel a little...sleepy? Yes, another good film...you can't go wrong with a movie that pits a prudish, bitchy Meryl Streep, as a nun, against the always great Philip Seymour Hoffman, as a priest!!!...credits up...Benjamin Button, directed by one of my all time favourite directors David Fincher, starts in about 15 minutes...and again...right across the hall...easy as a hot knife through butter. But, as I slowly make my way down the (too) dark steps on my way out.. I'm really feeling pooped...and shit man...Button is supposedly 3 hours or so long!


I'm standing in the middle of the hallway...just in front of me, cinema 6 and a fourth film...to my left...the exit...and nice warm apartment...I hesitate a moment longer...What the fuck...we can do this again next week, and hey, Gran Torino is also playing here...and you'll feel fresher. Home it is!!! As I'm walking along Bloor Street, I start calculating to myself....hmmmmm...13 bux for the first movie...10 or more bux for the popcorn and pop...14 for beer, not including the fuckin' tip that I just had to give the guy who is only making less than minimum wage...aaaaaaannnndddd...wait a minute.. that's..what?????... 39! 40 dollars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!! Yup, "THE MAN" beat me again...3 movies...40 FUCKING BUX!!!!! SOME FUCKING HEIST GENIUS!!!

So this January... Whoah...lots to watch still...A Serious Man, which I hear is GREAT (It's the Coen's...come on!!!), is playing this week at The Bloor Cinema...brilliant (The Bloor's cool...leave 'em alone)!!! And then...I still have; Up In The Air, A Single Man, An Education, Precious and Fantastic Mr. Fox to watch...God I hope they're all playing at THAT same theatre, I got me some BIG GET EVEN to do!!!!!!!!


Joey DAMMIT!

THE GREAT MOVIE HEIST '09 (Part 1)

I have a confession to make. Earlier this year I stole from Cineplex Odeon...clearly broke the law...and have committed this crime many times before. I admit it, and I plan to do it again shortly. I also admit it makes me feel great, because it feels like I'm stealing from the people that rob me blind every time I go to the movies. Yeah...like a modern day cinematic Robin Hood meets John Dillinger meets Patty Hearst and gang (huh?)! Let me explain.

As a lot of you know, I LOVE (!!!) movies...especially sitting in a theatre with a big screen, big sound... a giant popcorn and a giant Diet Pepsi or Coke ( I'm a Diet Pepsi man myself given the choice...and yes, of course there's a fuckin' difference!!!). Always an aisle seat...I go to the can about 2 times per regular 1 hour 48 minute feature (which lasts closer to 4 and a half hours if you count the commercials, coming soons, and are with people like my brother who must see ALL the end credits), and I always feel I'm ruining everybody in the theatres movie going experience, when I have to excuse myself, step on feet, and knock over their drinks as I literally crawl on them to go do my thing (and repeat the whole embarrassing ritual on the way back to my seat). So I can usually be found on the far left aisle seat, around the middle row. Sooooo...recap...love, LOVE movies... own over 800 dvds (and about 500 vhs...which most are now in storage...(Eeee-gad, and now with BluRay...never mind)... but nothing can replace the movie going experience...A movie (or a good portion of them SHOULD be watched on a big screen, not on TV...and dear God, DON'T FUCKING GET ME STARTED ON HOW GREAT IT IS THAT YOU CAN WATCH MOVIES ON YOUR COMPUTER!!!!! That is SO FUCKING WRONG IN SO MANY WAYS........AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...(breathe Joey, breathe...)... that's another blog post.

Now...as most of ya know...if you go to a regular run movie, at one of those Godforfuckingsaken multi-plexes...A ticket for the film is what...between 11 and 13 bux (insert coughing, gasping sound here)??? Then (and yes I condone sneaking everything in), you go for the classic popcorn and pop (What the fuck is it with the nachos and fucking melted Cheese-whiz at movies anyway???), that costs you, for just a regular size popcorn and drink, more than the movie ticket itself. By the time you get to your seat (and have already spilled a quarter of your popcorn)...you are steaming 'cus you realize that you've already spent enough to put a fucking down payment on a starter home or condo!!!! Oh yeah...and then...because these multi-fuckin'-plexes need to make money too (huh?...they do???...wasn't my $25 popcorn suppose to take care of that???)...34 commercials, followed by 12 coming soons that naturally show and give away the whole fucking movie anyway...and yeah..I'm a-fuckin' homicidal mad man by now!!! Let's not even go into the cell phones, the fucking basketball player, or horny lovers that are sitting directly in front of you, and the 5 best fuckin' friends for life directly behind you that won't stop squealing and yapping through the movie, until you calmly turn around and tell them how you're gonna pull a fucking Hannibal Lecter on them if they dare to say one more word before the end of the fucking film!!!

Okay, now for the cool breaking the law part...So now, around this time of the year, is when most of the really good movies are released, just in time for Oscar consideration...This part of the movie year, is to me, what the play offs are to your super-duper die hard spots fan (yeah...why, if they sell fucking nachos at movies, don't they sell fucking wings???)!!! And since there's so many movies on my "Movies To Watch" list...and realizing the time constraints, and how much films I want to watch, but obviously will never have that kind of money in the bank for...it's time for The Great Movie Heist for yet another year!!! Now, I love heist films...the planning , the execution, the thrill of the opening that safe...Ocean's 11(the Clooney, not the God awful Rat Pack version), The Italian Job (not the ridiculous Michael Caine original)...Oh, and of course The Sting (buttttt...was that really a heist film???)! Time to put the genius of this God-given criminal mind to work, and put together a blue print for the Perfect Cinema Crime!!!

So the heist is now at stage one: The planning stage...it all starts here, my fine feathered friends... I sit down with newspaper on coffee table, pen and pocket sized (note, this is important) notebook in hand, and start scanning the movie listings...looking for one theatre that is showing 3 or 4 of the films I want, NO...make that NEED to see! Now, I was gonna get right into the fun, breaking the law part... was gonna keep writing, explain exactly what and how I did (do) it...but...I'm feeling totally guilty that it's already that time, and I'm still here in front of this fucking computer, while I have paintings to do down in my studio...soooooooooooooo...this is now Part One...followed soon by part two! C'mon...you love a great cliff hanger, and you know it!!!! So stop your belly aching will ya!!!!!!



Joey DAMMIT!

FAT, BOOZE, PILLS, and the FINE ART of BEATING DEPRESSION!

Sometimes...even before you're "officially" awake...you JUST know it's gonna be one of those fucking days!!! Today is one of 'em!!! Again, fourth night in a row...so hard to fall asleep, and when I finally do...I keep waking up...weird had a dream that it was my first day at work in an office out of Mad Men...I mean it wasn't the same office, or people as the show...but you just knew it was Mad Men! Sleep has always fucked with me...from the very first second I was born...on! So now, no matter how many Red Bull's or Diet Pepsi's I drain...still gonna feel sleepy, drained, blah all day, thus screwing up my creativity!!! Now that I bitched about that ...I can bitch about the following. Love it when you have no idea what you're gonna write about...and you just start typing.........

I have been complaining forever and ever about my weight gain. I have gained well over 30 lbs. in a lil' over a year and a half. Why? Well, my official answer that I give myself and others is the fucking meds!!!...and it is... especially one of 'em...if you're on this baby...you are gonna balloon like the kid in Willie fuckin' Wonka...NO CHOICE!!! What I'm not admitting while blaming this pill, is that the weight gain would not have been so bad, if I exercised, ate less (and not so late), and did not drink SO much beer!!!

This pill, Serequel (probably the wrong spelling...who really gives a shit), is an anti-depressant. You gain weight on it even if you don't eat at all, and just suck in air all day! Soooooo, ya ask..."why not just get off it Joey?"... A great question there Skippy...the answer? For over 18 years I have suffered with fucking, horribly debilitating Depression. The disease, the disorder that is...and not, "woe is me...I hate goin' in to work 'cus the guy in the next cubicle is an asshole"...or, "the love o' my life left me...she was my kindred spirit, and I'll never find another." The name is the same (and man did they give this baby the wrong name), but it's two different things. The late, great American writer, William Styron (who suffered from it and wrote about it in a great little book called Darkness Visible), hated the name "depression" with a passion, as do I. He said "brain storm" would be great, alas, it was already taken. I used to always call it BrainFuck...even in sessions with my shrinks...they loved it. There really should be a campaign to change the name...Churchill called it the Black Dogs...it's a good start!!!

See...there I go....where was I???....oh yeah...18 years with this sinister, demonic dark hell inside you...you lose all hope, you lose all the things you love and are interested in most, you lose your self-esteem, social life...hell, you lose the will to live...REALLY!!! You don't even have the..."thing" to even crawl to the damn kitchen and get a bowl of cereal, 'cus you know you really should eat something...if you don't have the "thing" to do that, then you certainly don't have the "thing' to plan out, and then actually go thru all the trouble of killing yourself. Unfortunately, some people do have it, and do end it all.

A friend of mine, a local radio DJ here in Toronto (a lot of you know who I'm referring to), committed suicide, quite a few months ago now. And you don't know the frothing, rabid dog of anger I became when I heard the words "coward" and "selfish" mentioned when referring to him and his untimely suicide. If you truly believe that...FUCK YOU!!! It is not cowardly, nor selfish!!! What it is, is a pain so CRUEL...So fuckin' UNFORGIVABLY AGONIZING, that you actually can't imagine living with it for one second more. You think it's cowardly, huh?...then allow me to put a good ol' fashion curse on you...one solitary day with Depression from Hades..like the one I and millions more suffer for years and years...let's see how you feel about said coward then! Good, glad I got that out...if this blog thingamajig is good for nothing else, at least I get a chance to vent, and write sentences like that last one!

Soooooooooo....yes I want to get off this and all the other meds...and I honestly don't believe it was the pills that one day in May of 2008 made me actually say, "hey...hold on a minute...I feel...different....wait...is the BrainFuck gone...holy shit, I think it is!!!???"...and it was...and has not (knock fake wood...but with this fucker, you just never know) come back since. How do I know it wasn't the pills...I just "know it...I know how it felt inside...I just do...can't explain it"...but the real truth is, I DON'T KNOW...not 100% anyway!!! So it's my choice, get off the meds, take a chance, but maybe go back to that pure sheer Hell of darkness or stay on it and complain about my weight. I see (though, God knows I try hard to avoid it) pics of myself at various functions on FakeBook, and it bothers me SO FUCKIN' MUCH!!!! I saw some pics of me at the fabulous Touched By Fire art show last week...Eeeegad!!! Meat Loaf Re-visited!!!...got into such a bad, self-loathing mood...that I jumped into a cab, went to one of my favourite places (hey...my art is there...I'm the arteest in residence) WATUSi to partake in the fine art of warming the bar stool! Drank beer and tequila all night...made even more dangerous because some of the drinks were on one of the owners that was going thru a heavy issue as well!!! Stupid? Yes!!! Very!!!...and not the best way to lose that unwanted weight it turns out, which was the reason I pulled the self-pity act in the first place...genius!!!

But here's the thing...on the morning of Touched By Fire, last Thursday, while Ralph "Rottweiler" Martin and I were preparing to "hang" the show...I was on my knees, at the far end of this gorgeous gallery at the Royal Ontario Museum , unwrapping a piece of someones art, looking forward to seeing what was under the bubble wrap, kinda excited ...when out of no where it hit me, that I was already, though it was still morning, not only looking forward to the next day...I was excited to see what life was gonna throw at me tomorrow...I mean it actually thrilled me because I didn't know what was still in store!!! What a fucking difference from the days of the Black Dogs, where I was terrified to go to bed at night, 'cus I was so afraid of the morning!!! Oh that fucking horrible morning, and what it held for me!!!! I realized this...and that is why I stay on this muthfkr...because...I want to always look forward and get excited about what the future holds in store for me tomorrow!!!

So...we'll do the usual new year's resolution thang...eat better, less, and exercise like nuts, like Rocky F'n Balboa...even hit sides o' beef if I havta...if that, the weight, is my biggest problem in life...whew!!!... we can do something about it...I'm one of those really strange guys that can actually, one day get angry enough, and actually go to GREAT lengths to prove that I can do it just to spite life, or God (who still doesn't exist) or a fucking pill or disease!!!



Joey DAMMIT!

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING!

You know how they always say that Seinfeld was a show about nothing, which is actually a bang on description...well today's post/column/rant is also about nothing. I'm gonna ramble on here about whatever comes to my mind. Basically, it's been a while since my last post...so I figured it was about time. Soooooooooooo...how are ya? Nice to see ya again! Did ya bring the J.D.(eeeeeeeek...too early even for me)?


Gotta start off with the big, real-deal art event, TOUCHED BY FIRE, that went down this last Thursday night. Great venue...I mean shit...the Royal Ontario Museum (ROM)??? Whooda thunk it???...This is only our (I'm on the TBF committee) third year, and man, has it grown fast. The first 2 years was on the second floor of the legendary Gladstone Hotel, and it was an amazing spot, everyone there was really good to us...but man, we must have broken some fire regulation codes...I mean it was so packed that it would take you half the evening, trying to get across the room to the bar (and you can imagine the pure, unadulterated Hell that must have been for yours truly)...so, a new, much larger spot was needed, badly...thus the ROM!!! Again, packed to the rafters, great art, great people, great beer!!! A huge success in every way....butttttttt...if I may...when I had time to think the next morning, sufferin' from a wee hangover, and a ton o' exhaustion...I kinda missed the Gladstone...this spot is so big that it was a little impersonal. Like I said, we had no choice...but, hey...I have this space so that I can voice my opinion...which reminds me...I'm gonna raise hell about the prices of the wine and beer...c'mon...it was a fucking art opening...probably some stupid governmental rule...but c'mon!!!!!! I IS IRKED!!! Still, it was really all about the art and the artists that night...their time to shine...I had one (ONE???) piece in the show, "Consider The Bee" (that's it up there at the top of this 'ere article), and yes it was priced higher than most, but...I did not care, or expect to sell anything that night. It just so happens that it's my favourite piece, and the judges so happened to pick it...want it to be my best work, if I'm gonna be showing at the ROM (well...ya know). So a big CONGRATS to the Touched By Fire folks, the volunteers, and especially the arteests!!!


What next????....Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm....so fuckin' much happening in this suddenly blessed life, and right now, because my brain is still fried, I can't seem to think ...shit, no Diet Pepsi in the fridge...not a huge fan of coffee, already had a green tea...thus no fucking caffeine (waiting for the variety store across the street to open...let me take a look outside for a sec...excuse me for a second.......SHIT! Still closed...I got up very early)!!!

Actually once I have my nectar of the Gods (the morning Gods anyway), I'm going to make my way downstairs to my studio and work all day on the next painting for my next (real) show/exhibition...The Much anticipated (well...by me anyway) "THE SODOM AND GOMORRAH VARIETY SHOW" at the aforementioned Gladstone Hotel...I try to have one big show there a year. I have about 5 paintings done for it need around 10 to 12 more, so I postponed what was to be a mid-February opening and changed it to late April...Opening on Saturday April 24 to be exact. I found myself so...SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING BUSY with so many other projects (and yes I admit, too many hangovers), that I knew if I was gonna make that February 13 deadline, I would have to rush these new paintings like crazy, thus putting up a sub-par show...never done it...never will...So I said fuck this, called up the lovely and talented (and Gladstone owner) Christina Zeidler, explained why I needed more time....and WHALA (is there even a correct spelling for this word....oooooops...almost broke my own first rule for this blog....don't give a shit if something is spelled wrong!)!!!!

Next...Oh wait it's exactly 8:50 am...the stupid store has to be open....NEED my Diet Pepsi fix (better get a 4 pack of Red Bull while I'm at it)...gimme a sec........YES!!!!! I can see the red neon "OPEN" sign from my balcony...So...throw on my old sneakers, my leather jacket...and run, don't walk...smack a vein...and go buy a large bottle of the good stuff....and, then...crank the music and PAINT!!!! Today's album of the day: URGE OVERKILL: SATURATION... So, I guess this is where we part my love...don't forget to meet me at the top of the Empire State building on New Years eve!!!!!




Joey DAMMIT!

THE BEST BREASTS IN THE HISTORY OF FILM!

OH UMA!!! I remember when the brilliant film Dangerous Liaisons was first released in 1988 , I was very interested in going out and seeing it. Great story...Lust, Seduction, Revenge (what's not to like)! Great cast...John Malkovich, Glenn Close and the yummy Michelle Pfeiffer! Great director...Stephen Frears! Plus I had read a rave review of the film in Movie Line magazine, that also mentioned a certain young actress named Uma Thurman, and a great scene in which this up and comer's breasts are revealed. The critic noted that the whole audience let out a gasp during the screening because of the wondrous orbs that this Uma possessed. I ran, not walked to the theatre!!!

So, last night on FakeBook, because, as usual I couldn't sleep...I did one of their supremely stupid polls. This one with the mega-cerebral title of something like: "5 HOT PEOPLE"...so I put down five names, not including the "Too Hot Already...Stop It!" Megan Fox (but God...she is SO Fucking Hot!!!!!)! I listed Grace Kelly (maybe the most beautiful woman who ever lived), Selma Hayek ( I just want to see her and Penelope Cruz do it...I'll pay anything you ask Selma!), Rita Hayworth ('nuff said), Kate Beckinsale (who just may be replacing Megan as the hottest babe in the world at this moment)...and UMA!

Sooooo...along comes my good friend, fellow film lover, and a great filmmaker in his own right (ya see what I'm doing, right? I want a love scene with one of his hot actresses in his next film), JaiDixit. He comments on how much he agrees with my Hot list...but poo-poos Uma. Now, I figure it out right away...the man hates Tarantino films! Now, personally I can't stand Tarantino as a human being...we had a run in a while ago in a restaurant...Biggest Asshole Ever...but that's another blog, but I sure do luvs his movies (most of them anyway)...in fact Inglorious Bastards is still my favourite film this year. But, back to Jai...so that would explain why he's dissing the gorgeous Ms. Thurman! Fine!

NOT FINE! So, because I have to ALWAYS be right (as a lot of you already know)...I wrote Mr. Dixit a rebuttal in today's FakeBook status report. It goes as follows........ "ahem-hem...Mr.Jai Dixit, UMA THURMON NOT HOT!!!??? Jai, put away your Star Trek Mega-Fab Box-Set DVD for a moment, put on the brilliant Dangerous Liaisons. The scene in which John Malkovich seduces the virgin Uma(GULP)...he tears open her blouse to reveal THE BEST BREASTS to ever appear on the silver screen!!! The whole audience in the theatre GASPED all at the same time. I've never heard anything like it! UMA IS HOT!!!"......SO THERE...Poooooey on you. And it's true, it happened in my audience as it did at the Movie Line critics screening...everyone gasped at the splendor that is Uma Thurman's great, bodacious Ta-Ta's!!!!!

That Jai, is why Uma is in MY Top 5 Hotties!!!! Anyone that is asked to portray Venus, as she did in the great Terry Gilliam's film, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen has to be HOT!!!

Jai, please don't take this personal...you're a great guy, I like drinking pints with you, I loved your last film, It Happens Incredibly Fast (I hope I got that right! I'm not just trying to score brownie points here, it really is good), you own one of the best paintings I've ever done, and most importantly...you owe me a wad of cash, but c'mon...ALL I AM SAYING IS GIVE UMA'S BREASTS A CHANCE!!!...everybody now...SING!


Joey DAMMIT!

The DAMMIT! Interview: Up Close and Lovin' It !

He's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack...
Didja miss me????

Today a treat (so don't say I never give ya anything!)...Instead of given' ya a boring, ol' fashioned Bio of sorts...I thought you creative types reading this fine, fine literature would enjoy an interview I just did with the Mighty JLG365.COM...a great site that much like yours truly knows that the only important culture is PoP Culture!!! Read it here...then head on over to the REAL thing, 'cus it will actually look good, thus, making me seem much more articulate than I really am. So...Enuff self-deprecation....Ladies & Gentleman I give ya the Joey DAMMIT! Interview!!!

JLG365.COM

Let's take a ride back in time. Tell me about your childhood. Where were you born?

Well, on my first bio that I used to send out to the media, I was born in
the jungles of deepest darkest Africa, and raised by a family of
chimps...until I was adopted by The DAMMIT!'s, a family who had made their
vast fortune in the sex-toy industry. But....in reality, I was born in
Madeira, Portugal (island in the Atlantic, actually closer to Casablanca
than Portugal...and that just sounds much more romantic anyway), and
immigrated to the lovely metropolis of Toronto when I was 4 years old. Not a
weird childhood or anything....well...I really was an altar boy, was very
much into the Catholic religion and it's theatrics, and had every intension
of going into the priesthood....then came a lil' something called puberty.Oh
well...

At what age did you become interested in the arts? Why?

I get asked that a lot and the answer is...I was born an artist, and I'd be
really surprised if most "artists" don't feel the same way. I mean I was
drawing from the word go. My mom says the first thing she noticed of mine
and thought, "hey, the little fucker just may have a talent after all", was
a drawing of Samson knocking down the pillars, that I had drawn on the
inside of my Sunday school text book. Then it was superheroes, sports stars,
KISS...nude girls, and so on up the food chain. Why? I honestly don't think
I ever had a choice really. I think it has all to do with being in the
spotlight and creating. I mean think about it...altar boy, to rock singer,
to "fine" (I hate that term) artist. I was always on stage in one form or another.

When did you know that being an artist was your "true calling"?

In the middle of the night, in bed, in a manic episode, while drinking my
third large bottle of Diet Coke and writing at super speed in my journal. It
was the summer of 1993. I mean I had always known I was a good drawer, had
already made a bit o' a name as a cartoonist around town and all, but Joey
DAMMIT! was certainly born that night. The name, the Manic Montage style,
the self-promo...all that night in bed!

Who were some of your early influences?
As far as artists went , in the beginning it was comic book artists,
especially Bill Sienkiwicz and Frank Frazetta and his larger than life Conan
(and more) paintings. Then I found myself not only being influenced by
Robert Rauschenberg, Warhol and Basquiat...but even more by the genius of
Dave McKean and his graphic novel covers, Nick Bantock and his art in the
Griffin & Sabine trilogy... MOVIES!!! Like the manic-film stocks of Natural
Born Killers, and the opening credits and mood of David Fincher's
SE7EN. Brilliant!

Tell me about your artistic style ("Manic Montage"). How long does it take
you to create a single piece of work? Do you ever work on more than one
thing at a time?

The Manic Montage, as I mentioned earlier came from a very long manic
episode...seemed to fit my mood, and the mad, frenzied look of what I was
creating. Where in the beginning I could do a piece in a day or two, now it
can take a week to two or three weeks...a lot depends on my mood, how much
time I have to work, the size of the piece, etc. And, yeah...most of the
time I'm working on two separate pieces at the same time....I'll work on a
canvas until I can't go any further because the paint, or the glues have to
dry. I'll put that one aside, and continue where I had left off on the other
one. I once had this deadline to meet, and worked on four at the same
time...you wanna talk manic!

It is obvious pop culture, especially music, is prevalent in a lot of your
pieces. What is your favorite type of music as well as your favorite
musicians?

Yes, very influenced by music, but influenced by film I'd say just as much.
My musical tastes run the gamut in the same way my art is ... mixed
genres/ mixed media. I'm one of those people that get bored very, very fast...so I have
these mixed tapes (actually CDs now) that I make, called "RadioDAMMIT!" (I'm up to vol.#42...and have even sold a few to people and clubs), and
it's like sitting in a car, constantly changing the station...it can start
with Nine Inch Nails, next Tony Bennett, next Waylon Jennings, next the
Pistols and 15 songs later it ends with the theme song from Shaft or Twin
Peaks. I do have to admit I am very much a gigantic fan of Trent Reznor....notice
what he did with the Natural Born Killers soundtrack...Dylan, Patsy Cline,
NIN and Leonard Cohen back to back...that's what got me started on doing my
mixed CDs I guess. Also love the eclectic sounds of Jane's Addiction. So, it
was a helluva treat to see Jane's and NIN playing together this last summer.

Although I love all your pieces, there are a few from your galleries in
particular that I am dying for the "inside scoop" on. Will you kindly take
me and my readers through what went on in your mind when you created these
pieces:

"JAYNE MANSFIELD: HEAD" (My personal fave)

HEAD was actually a life changer literally....I had not painted or even
doodled in over a year and a half. I was going through a very long, horrible bout of depression, and
I had even told my shrink that I was done as an artist. Then an artist
friend of mine, Nancy, phoned me up and asked if I'd be interested in doing a group
show; the theme being cars, in one way or another. I actually sighed and
groaned out loud when she asked. I had absolutely no interest in doing art,
never mind about automobiles, something I have no interest in... and told
her so. So she snaps at me and says, "DAMMIT JOEY!!!...it's right up your
ally!!!!"..."In what fucking way?", I asked..."Look ...Jayne Mansfield, how'd she die
Joey???"...I said ..."decapitated in a car accident!"....SHIT! I put down
the phone, grabbed the book Hollywood Babylon, and right there, as I
had imagined, was a 2 page black n' white shot of the gruesome accident scene! I
sketched the full painting in 5 minutes, with the word "HEAD" repeated over
and over behind her...I mean the sexual connotation and all made it that
much better...it was done in a week...and I swear I have never gone longer
than a week, since that night, with out working on a painting!!! GOD! Ask a
single, easy question, and I give ya a novel. Sorry...that shan't happen
again.

"ROBERT SMITH: OLD PAINTED DOLL IN THE THROES OF DANCE"

It was for a Halloween/birthday show (yes, I was born on October 31st.
kids)...and I'm a big fan of Smith and the Cure....and I wanted to create
"CREEPY"....perfect subject matter...love the color's and mood of that
piece.

"CIRCUS CIRCUS"

Because I am so fascinated with clowns...like so many people I've met. I
think it's that they're suppose to be funny, but I see them as scary and
creepy (there's that word again)...I mean, hello...JOHN WAYNE
GACY!!!...'nuff said!

"THE BETTY BOX"

Simple...I love Betty (or Bettie, whichever you prefer, I've seen it spelled both ways), and it gave me a
chance to play around with some 3-d work....I love doing stuff in tangerine
crates!

"JESUS VS. SUPERMAN (WHO WOULD WIN?)"

OH! Did I ever get in trouble with the Christian Right over that piece!!! A
small group of them actually picketed the exhibition that painting first
appeared in. I was in full anti-Christian mode at that period of my life,
and I loved the idea and title...based on when we were young boys reading
superhero comics...you know, "Who would win in a fight if The Hulk fought
The Thing???"...that's all it was. The best part, and I swear this is a true
story, I had a group of friends around me as witnesses...One of these
bible thumpers asked me, "OK...who WOULD win???"...and with out a seconds
hesitation, I mean, it just came into my head just like that...I answered,
"neither...they're both fictional characters." Guess there may be a God
after all and he hates these idiots as much as I do.

What is your proudest accomplishment?

Don't even have to think about that one. Beating horrible, horrible 18 years of Depression, and just turn around
and do the best work of my career, and see that career take off by leaps and
bounds all in a little more than a year. Believe me...nothing else even
comes close!

What advice would you give to the struggling artist?

Don't for one second think that being a starving artist is in any way
romantic or cool. Might have been in Paris in the 20's...but now...DO NOT BE
AFRAID TO MARKET YOURSELF!!! PROMOTE YOURSELF AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN!!!! There
is no shame in that, and if someone tells you otherwise, laugh in their
face, and lend them a few coins.

Are all your pieces for sale? Do you do commissioned work? If so, how can
my readers contact you?

All my pieces are for sale. A lot on my web site are sold, so look for the red sold star. I've been very lucky, I do a ton o'
commissions...in fact right now I'm freakin' out 'cus I can't keep up...but
I love doing them. You can contact me by going to said
site...www.joeydammit.com ...take a look around then hit the contact link,
and send me an e-mail. And, we're putting up ALL of my my 2009 work and
commissions before the end of November...by far the best stuff I've ever
done!

Finally, if you could describe how you see the world in one word, what
would it be?

"INTERFUCKINESTING!"

POP, CULTURE, AND THE INSOMNIA FROM HADES!

OK...Let's give it a shot shall we??? 5:40 in the morning...Huh??? I hit the sack early last night with my book, glass of milk, and 3 Dad's oatmeal raisin cookies (usually I only allow myself 2, but what the Hades (oh... I'm reading EXILE ON MAIN STREET: A Season In Hell With The Rolling Stones...great read...oh that Keif!). I have been, as per usual, having trouble sleeping, so today being a big, busy day (which seems to be everyday of late), I knew I NEEDED a good nights sleep...NOT...fucking NOT!!! NADA...I gave up at 4:45am! I'm gonna be running around all day with 2 of my partners in art crime, dropping off postcards for the upcoming, mighty TOUCHED BY FIRE event on November the 26th....sooooooo, looks like it's gonna be another Red Bull kinda day.

Now, as a quick introduction to my new blog/mondo-rant-galore page, THE DAMMIT! DIATRIBE, just wanted to lay down some rules and regs for ya....It's about the idea, the theme, the rant, the vent, the love-in...NOT the spelling, grammar, punctuations, etc. I don't give a shit if it's a run on sentence... I couldn't care less if I spelled Masatewshus (you know, where Boston lives) wrong...that's for the editor to do, and mine left me all alone here and moved to Montreal, so she could be closer to the Language Gestapo and "real bagels"! There! That's all the rules either of us need to know...and now that we know the rules, we can go ahead and break 'em. I'm still feeling my way around these parts...soon titles will be bold, maybe in some god-awful colour...look!...It'll get better OKAY!!! You'll notice a lot of exclamation marks...what the fuck do you expect from a guy who spells his name DAMMIT!

So welcome, pour yourself another shot, take another hit, wonder why you're not getting laid this very second instead of reading this thing...and ask yourself one very important question: "Why haven't I bought one of Joey DAMMIT!'s Lou Reed Limited Edition Art T-shirts yet, and Punk's already bought 2???...in fact I should buy a few, because this has to be the best fucking X-mas gift (not counting the Obama Chia Pet planter...I kid ya not, it grows green hair...I saw a commercial on the glass teat the other day) on this sad, dirty, putrid, angry, little planet !!!"

That's it for now...'cus I haven't the foggiest what I'm doing here...and Oh shit...how do I upload or download a photo again??? Hey...it's like sex...right now consider me a virgin...but you know I'll be a fast learner, and in 2 or 3 sessions....ORGASMS GALORE BABY DOLL!!!

Joey DAMMIT!
www.joeydammit.com

This is my INTRO...

Hello World

This is take one. Welcome to PlanetDAMMIT!