I have a confession to make. Earlier this year I stole from Cineplex Odeon...clearly broke the law...and have committed this crime many times before. I admit it, and I plan to do it again shortly. I also admit it makes me feel great, because it feels like I'm stealing from the people that rob me blind every time I go to the movies. Yeah...like a modern day cinematic Robin Hood meets John Dillinger meets Patty Hearst and gang (huh?)! Let me explain.
As a lot of you know, I LOVE (!!!) movies...especially sitting in a theatre with a big screen, big sound... a giant popcorn and a giant Diet Pepsi or Coke ( I'm a Diet Pepsi man myself given the choice...and yes, of course there's a fuckin' difference!!!). Always an aisle seat...I go to the can about 2 times per regular 1 hour 48 minute feature (which lasts closer to 4 and a half hours if you count the commercials, coming soons, and are with people like my brother who must see ALL the end credits), and I always feel I'm ruining everybody in the theatres movie going experience, when I have to excuse myself, step on feet, and knock over their drinks as I literally crawl on them to go do my thing (and repeat the whole embarrassing ritual on the way back to my seat). So I can usually be found on the far left aisle seat, around the middle row. Sooooo...recap...love, LOVE movies... own over 800 dvds (and about 500 vhs...which most are now in storage...(Eeee-gad, and now with BluRay...never mind)... but nothing can replace the movie going experience...A movie (or a good portion of them SHOULD be watched on a big screen, not on TV...and dear God, DON'T FUCKING GET ME STARTED ON HOW GREAT IT IS THAT YOU CAN WATCH MOVIES ON YOUR COMPUTER!!!!! That is SO FUCKING WRONG IN SO MANY WAYS........AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...(breathe Joey, breathe...)... that's another blog post.
Now...as most of ya know...if you go to a regular run movie, at one of those Godforfuckingsaken multi-plexes...A ticket for the film is what...between 11 and 13 bux (insert coughing, gasping sound here)??? Then (and yes I condone sneaking everything in), you go for the classic popcorn and pop (What the fuck is it with the nachos and fucking melted Cheese-whiz at movies anyway???), that costs you, for just a regular size popcorn and drink, more than the movie ticket itself. By the time you get to your seat (and have already spilled a quarter of your popcorn)...you are steaming 'cus you realize that you've already spent enough to put a fucking down payment on a starter home or condo!!!! Oh yeah...and then...because these multi-fuckin'-plexes need to make money too (huh?...they do???...wasn't my $25 popcorn suppose to take care of that???)...34 commercials, followed by 12 coming soons that naturally show and give away the whole fucking movie anyway...and yeah..I'm a-fuckin' homicidal mad man by now!!! Let's not even go into the cell phones, the fucking basketball player, or horny lovers that are sitting directly in front of you, and the 5 best fuckin' friends for life directly behind you that won't stop squealing and yapping through the movie, until you calmly turn around and tell them how you're gonna pull a fucking Hannibal Lecter on them if they dare to say one more word before the end of the fucking film!!!
Okay, now for the cool breaking the law part...So now, around this time of the year, is when most of the really good movies are released, just in time for Oscar consideration...This part of the movie year, is to me, what the play offs are to your super-duper die hard spots fan (yeah...why, if they sell fucking nachos at movies, don't they sell fucking wings???)!!! And since there's so many movies on my "Movies To Watch" list...and realizing the time constraints, and how much films I want to watch, but obviously will never have that kind of money in the bank for...it's time for The Great Movie Heist for yet another year!!! Now, I love heist films...the planning , the execution, the thrill of the opening that safe...Ocean's 11(the Clooney, not the God awful Rat Pack version), The Italian Job (not the ridiculous Michael Caine original)...Oh, and of course The Sting (buttttt...was that really a heist film???)! Time to put the genius of this God-given criminal mind to work, and put together a blue print for the Perfect Cinema Crime!!!
So the heist is now at stage one: The planning stage...it all starts here, my fine feathered friends... I sit down with newspaper on coffee table, pen and pocket sized (note, this is important) notebook in hand, and start scanning the movie listings...looking for one theatre that is showing 3 or 4 of the films I want, NO...make that NEED to see! Now, I was gonna get right into the fun, breaking the law part... was gonna keep writing, explain exactly what and how I did (do) it...but...I'm feeling totally guilty that it's already that time, and I'm still here in front of this fucking computer, while I have paintings to do down in my studio...soooooooooooooo...this is now Part One...followed soon by part two! C'mon...you love a great cliff hanger, and you know it!!!! So stop your belly aching will ya!!!!!!
Joey DAMMIT!
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